Leadership

I was thinking recently on one of the most profound moments of my life.  It happened when I was in High School (I know, lame to talk about high school).  Have you ever had one of those moments that really helped to shape the person that you are today?  That profound understanding of a basic principle that would radically change the course of your life?  Well this was one of those moments for me. 

During my sophomore year in High School, I played quarterback on the Reserve Football team.  If you know me, you know I love the sport of football so hopefully this will make sense.  On a saturday, during a game against Moeller in the rain, I threw a pass to one of our receivers who ran it 50 yards to the goal-line.  However, at the goal line, a defender hit the ball out of his hands and the other team recovered the fumble.  

As we jogged off the field, my coach came straight for me.  He said, "Urmston, what the Q#$%#$ happened out there?  I looked at him very perplexed and said, "Coach, I didn't fumble the ball!!!  I threw a great pass!!!  He fumbled the ball, its not my fault!

I will never forget the words that he spoke to me at that moment.  He grabbed my facemask, pulled my head close to his (I can still smell the tobacco dip being sprayed on my face as he spoke).  He said, "URMSTON, YOU'RE THE LEADER, ITS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT."  His voice still rings in my head and hits me to this day.  

As a leader, it is my job to take responsibility for those I lead.  To stand in the gap for them, throw myself in front of a bus for them, to speak the truth in love to them, to defend them when they are attacked.  I am the leader...God put leaders on this earth to lead.  When we succeed it is the team that wins.  When we fall short, it is the leader who stands up, breaths vision and leads everyone into the next battle.

As a person who was raised by a somewhat controlling Father (He's not that way anymore, but that story is for another time), I tend to lead by committee as an act of rebellion.  I like to let people run with their ideas and encourage them along the way.  This sometimes creates situations where I don't lead well, or I remain undecided due to too much "committee"  and not enough hutspa to make a decision, even though I know in my gut it is right.  

I have to remember what my Coach said way back in my sophomore year of High School.  He said, "as the leader, it is always on me to make the decision.  While I can take counsel, and hear opinions, and try to get consensus;  the ultimate weight of the decision falls on me...THE LEADER.

OK...I get it God.  Counsel is great, opinions are important, but sometimes you grab my facemask and tell me...YOU'RE THE LEADER...I CHOSE YOU.  MAKE A DECISION, AND LEAD.

Memories

Ok, this is not about the Barbara Streisand song "The Way We Were."  Actually, I guess it could be in a round about way.  

I was reflecting on what makes me sad sometimes and it hit me that sadness is a product of longing for something that is no more.  The loss of trust, or friendship, or love, etc...  This led me to think about how I miss a lot of things that "used to be".  I miss my old neighborhood growing up, I miss my friends from High School that I made such great memories with.  I miss my kids being young... actually I can't drive by my old house on Julep Lane in Greenhills where I taught my kids how to ride bikes, catch baseballs and climb trees.  

While in Honduras on a missions trip with 10 other guys I had a chance to see the thing I would miss before it actually happened.  The last night of the trip, we were sitting around outside the place we ate talking about the trip and I remember one guy saying that we need to get together after the trip is over and hang out.  Most of us have been in these situations where we say we'll get together and then time passes, we get busy, forget, and then feel sad over the loss of this group being together as they were that one night.  

It hit me that night that maybe, just maybe, the memories are a gift from God.  Here's what I mean...maybe the memories are there to warm us on lonely nights, or maybe they're there to put joy in us when the world is dark around us.  Maybe instead of the sadness, they simply make us feel alive, even if reflective, even if they are never possibly going to happen again. 

I miss those guys from that trip and the friendships that we formed.  I miss my kids growing up in that house.  I miss going on dates with my 5 year old daughter who is now 15.  I miss driving to Florida with my high school buddies my sophomore year.  I miss my friends who I grew close to and watched move on to bigger and better things.  I miss strapping on shoulder pads on crisp Friday nights in the fall of my youth.  I miss seeing the world through my job because I now travel less.  I miss my grampa's hugs, I miss wrestling with my brother.  I miss the people I traveled to China with, I miss the sound of kids playing outside my window while a breeze blew through my room as a 10 year old.  I miss "popeye" cartoons.  I miss everything that once was, and will never be again.  

But on darker days, I draw from these things that I miss as they fill the void caused by the darkness and make me smile.  Maybe this is why we have the memories.  Maybe that is what they are all about.

I was talking with a very dear friend of mine this night and she told me how much she misses her son who died in an accident last year.  I listened as she lamented his passing, however, I noticed that as she told stories about him, described his personality to me, longed to have him near her again, I got a glimpse of the joy that those memories produced in her.  

So I have concluded...God loves us so much that he makes us remember.  While this can be painful, it also offers a far greater benefit.. JOY. 

As I live out my life, I want to enjoy the time I have with people in my life, to love hard, and live passionately, knowing that even if people move on, or change, or disappear,  I can always count on the memories to fill me during very empty times.

Thanks God.