Leadership

I was thinking recently on one of the most profound moments of my life.  It happened when I was in High School (I know, lame to talk about high school).  Have you ever had one of those moments that really helped to shape the person that you are today?  That profound understanding of a basic principle that would radically change the course of your life?  Well this was one of those moments for me. 

During my sophomore year in High School, I played quarterback on the Reserve Football team.  If you know me, you know I love the sport of football so hopefully this will make sense.  On a saturday, during a game against Moeller in the rain, I threw a pass to one of our receivers who ran it 50 yards to the goal-line.  However, at the goal line, a defender hit the ball out of his hands and the other team recovered the fumble.  

As we jogged off the field, my coach came straight for me.  He said, "Urmston, what the Q#$%#$ happened out there?  I looked at him very perplexed and said, "Coach, I didn't fumble the ball!!!  I threw a great pass!!!  He fumbled the ball, its not my fault!

I will never forget the words that he spoke to me at that moment.  He grabbed my facemask, pulled my head close to his (I can still smell the tobacco dip being sprayed on my face as he spoke).  He said, "URMSTON, YOU'RE THE LEADER, ITS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT."  His voice still rings in my head and hits me to this day.  

As a leader, it is my job to take responsibility for those I lead.  To stand in the gap for them, throw myself in front of a bus for them, to speak the truth in love to them, to defend them when they are attacked.  I am the leader...God put leaders on this earth to lead.  When we succeed it is the team that wins.  When we fall short, it is the leader who stands up, breaths vision and leads everyone into the next battle.

As a person who was raised by a somewhat controlling Father (He's not that way anymore, but that story is for another time), I tend to lead by committee as an act of rebellion.  I like to let people run with their ideas and encourage them along the way.  This sometimes creates situations where I don't lead well, or I remain undecided due to too much "committee"  and not enough hutspa to make a decision, even though I know in my gut it is right.  

I have to remember what my Coach said way back in my sophomore year of High School.  He said, "as the leader, it is always on me to make the decision.  While I can take counsel, and hear opinions, and try to get consensus;  the ultimate weight of the decision falls on me...THE LEADER.

OK...I get it God.  Counsel is great, opinions are important, but sometimes you grab my facemask and tell me...YOU'RE THE LEADER...I CHOSE YOU.  MAKE A DECISION, AND LEAD.

Memories

Ok, this is not about the Barbara Streisand song "The Way We Were."  Actually, I guess it could be in a round about way.  

I was reflecting on what makes me sad sometimes and it hit me that sadness is a product of longing for something that is no more.  The loss of trust, or friendship, or love, etc...  This led me to think about how I miss a lot of things that "used to be".  I miss my old neighborhood growing up, I miss my friends from High School that I made such great memories with.  I miss my kids being young... actually I can't drive by my old house on Julep Lane in Greenhills where I taught my kids how to ride bikes, catch baseballs and climb trees.  

While in Honduras on a missions trip with 10 other guys I had a chance to see the thing I would miss before it actually happened.  The last night of the trip, we were sitting around outside the place we ate talking about the trip and I remember one guy saying that we need to get together after the trip is over and hang out.  Most of us have been in these situations where we say we'll get together and then time passes, we get busy, forget, and then feel sad over the loss of this group being together as they were that one night.  

It hit me that night that maybe, just maybe, the memories are a gift from God.  Here's what I mean...maybe the memories are there to warm us on lonely nights, or maybe they're there to put joy in us when the world is dark around us.  Maybe instead of the sadness, they simply make us feel alive, even if reflective, even if they are never possibly going to happen again. 

I miss those guys from that trip and the friendships that we formed.  I miss my kids growing up in that house.  I miss going on dates with my 5 year old daughter who is now 15.  I miss driving to Florida with my high school buddies my sophomore year.  I miss my friends who I grew close to and watched move on to bigger and better things.  I miss strapping on shoulder pads on crisp Friday nights in the fall of my youth.  I miss seeing the world through my job because I now travel less.  I miss my grampa's hugs, I miss wrestling with my brother.  I miss the people I traveled to China with, I miss the sound of kids playing outside my window while a breeze blew through my room as a 10 year old.  I miss "popeye" cartoons.  I miss everything that once was, and will never be again.  

But on darker days, I draw from these things that I miss as they fill the void caused by the darkness and make me smile.  Maybe this is why we have the memories.  Maybe that is what they are all about.

I was talking with a very dear friend of mine this night and she told me how much she misses her son who died in an accident last year.  I listened as she lamented his passing, however, I noticed that as she told stories about him, described his personality to me, longed to have him near her again, I got a glimpse of the joy that those memories produced in her.  

So I have concluded...God loves us so much that he makes us remember.  While this can be painful, it also offers a far greater benefit.. JOY. 

As I live out my life, I want to enjoy the time I have with people in my life, to love hard, and live passionately, knowing that even if people move on, or change, or disappear,  I can always count on the memories to fill me during very empty times.

Thanks God. 

Traditional Church Buildings

About a month ago, my business partner and I were on the way home from Las Vegas and we had a layover in Dallas.  We were informed that the flight had been cancelled due to snow at home, so we quickly grabbed our things and headed for a hotel in the metropolitan Dallas area.  It was still fairly early in the day and we had no plans so I remembered hearing about a church in the Dallas area that I wanted to check out.

We quickly got our things together, stopped off at a Starbucks on the way and made it just in time to get the last two seats available in their auditorium.  Now I had heard a great deal about this church.  I had heard that they had grown from 168 people in 2002 to over 5000 in 2007.    Part of me wanted to know how they did it, and part of me was excited just to be able to hang out in a church and hide in the crowd where no one would expect anything from me. 

 

We pulled up and were shocked to find a very traditional looking church building that looked like every other struggling church in America.  The building itself appeared old and I wondered how they could pull it off. 

 

We quickly took our seats and learned that they conducted 7 services over a weekend and 3 of them were done via video so as to save the Pastor from burnout.  Clearly, there was something very powerful going on at this church and from what I could tell, the Pastor was trying to get people to leave more than he was trying to grow the congregation.

I couldn't put my finger on what was happening here, but then I realized that the Holy Spirit is like the wind (you can't really put your finger on it).

All together, it appeared that God had brought me to Vegas to bring me through Dallas on a snow delay, to get me to go to this church, to show me what could be done in a traditional building when the Holy Spirit is in it. 

 

As our church looks at buying an old traditional church building, I began to hear God speaking to me once again about considering this building to grow our body.  Before we were looking at a $2.8MM investment in a bigger building, but God clearly doesn't want us going into debt or being building poor.  So He has presented us with an option to buy an old traditional building that was appraised at $1.3 MM but through various people, it has become clear that we may be able to buy the building for @ $500,000.  Clearly, this is a lot more doable... gives us flexibility to add services, meet capacity, and watch the Holy Spirit work through us.  I can't help but wonder what God is doing here, but there have been too many doors swinging open for this to be coincidence. 

As we make our plans, God continues to guide our steps and we are blown away by what He is doing through us... gently, mercifully, gracefully taking us where we need to be.

Dance with Me

I recently asked some friends the other day in my Life Group a question.  I asked them if they only come to church one time a year for Easter and never come again, what is the one question that they would love to ask God.  The response was overwhelming.  There were all kinds of questions posed, but one stood out to me as profound.  One person asked, "How does and all powerful, all controlling God love?  I know, it sounds straight forward, but it really isn't.  Here is what I mean.  

When I was in the sixth grade, I liked this girl named Jenny (named changed to protect the innocent).  You know how it is when your in sixth grade... when it takes all the courage you can muster to ask a girl to dance with you.  So this was it, I was finally going to ask her to dance toward the end of the night because that's how long it took me to get up the nerve.  So, I say, "do you want to dance?" and she turns bright red and runs to her friends and I am left standing there looking and feeling very awkward.  I never got that dance, but I did gain something from that exchange.

When you love someone, you place the control of the relationship in their hands.  Love and control do not and cannot exist on the same plane.  The more you control something, the less you love it.  The more you love something, the less you control it.  When I asked Jenny to dance, I was giving her the control to say yes and accept the invitation, or to say no and reject the invitation.  This is how love works.

So back to the original question...How does and all powerful, all controlling God, Love?  I would argue that God had to give up control.  I know this answer will freak out a lot of people, but maybe, in God's power and sovereignty, He set it up in such a way that He can't make us love Him.  I don't mean that he won't, I mean that He can't.  Maybe the God of the universe, set the universe up in such a way, that he can give you your heart, but can't make it beat for Him.  He can give you feet to walk, but He can't keep them from walking away from Him.  

God can't make you love Him!  Because if He could, that wouldn't be love.  Love and Control cannot co-exist.  

I don't claim to fully understand the ways of God.  I think our lives are a constant journey toward discovering these things about our maker, and in the end, the deeper we go, the deeper he gets.  But, maybe that's the point.  Just like when we watch our kids find the eggs during an easter egg hunt, maybe He takes great pleasure in watching us discover new things about Him every day.  Yeah, I think we might be on to something.  

Moving On

Today, one of the people closest to me in my life and business, my friend Ellen, sat across the table from me and wept as she told me that she was leaving the company and moving to Kansas City to be close to IHOP (International House of Prayer).  Initially, my mind went to what a great opportunity this was for her and her husband and how great it was to see her take this risk and dream big.  

Then something really weird happened to me.  I had this uncontrollable surge of tears that seemed to creep up out of nowhere.  Needless to say, I was blind-sided and confused with the reasoning behind these emotions.  After all, I have been in this position before where employees have told me that they were leaving.  This is natural and this is good.  So, why am I about to pull a niagara falls on the table?

Interestingly enough, the rest of the day was a bit of a challenge for me, and I found myself with a lump in my throat and tears flooding my eyes for greater portions of the day and still confused with the reasoning and trying to make sense of it all.

On my way home, it hit me.  

Ellen is more than an employee...she is my friend...a very dear friend.

We go through our lives and watch as people we grow close to, eventually move on to the next thing...this is the way of the world.  But then there are those that become a part of us in a way that can't be explained to a rational audience, and words can't really justify the overwhelming sense of loss one feels when a friend is called to move on.  

The only way I can explain it is like this.  When I was little, I had a friend named Garrett Hess.  He was my best friend.  We had lots of dreams that we said we would do together when we got older.  He was Superman and I was The Flash.  We played in the sandbox, raced each other up and down our cul de sac, and often got in fights over who got to sit next to Carrie Vanoli on the bus.  But through it all, in our minds, this is the way it would be forever.   Until that day...that dark overcast day in the sandbox (where we had all of our planning meetings for the future), He told me that his parents decided to move to Dayton and two weeks later he was gone... I never saw or heard from him again.  I cried for many a day that summer hoping that one day his dad would be transferred back to Cincinnati, He would move back into the house 2 doors down and things would one day be back to the way they were.  But that day never came.  But that's not how life is.  People move on and so the story goes.  

I have to believe that this is why Ellen's announcement was so difficult today.  She  is my friend and she is moving on.  When she started, she brought a spark to our little rag tag company that catapulted us to a viable option for the coolest company on the planet.  She brought us an identity, a vision, and a personality that other companies can't hold a candle to.  But while all of these achievements are brilliant, the real reason for the flood of emotion today comes from a deep seeded sadness over the moving on of a great friend in my life.  

I know she has to move on because God has called her to.  And while everything in me is screaming "don't go" I want the very best for her, because that's what real friends want for each other.  Ellen has taught me a great deal about loyalty, friendship and "bringing your best" to everything you do.  For that I am grateful.  I WILL MISS HER TREMENDOUSLY.  

Just like with Garrett, I will hold out hope that one day she will return to Seek and things will be the way they were, but I know that may not happen until heaven.  Hey, maybe I can introduce her to Garrett when we all get there and live on the same street together.  Who knows?

Until then, I will keep an eye on the sandbox and Ellen's cape while I run the cul de sac and keep praying that my friend is OK in Kansas City.  

Have We Forgotten How to DREAM BIG?

Remember when you were a kid?  Remember the rarely noticed runny nose, the small amount of attention given to the multiple scabs on elbows and knees, or possibly the lack of lethargy as the sun fell behind the neighborhood we grew up in after a long day of basketball, stickball, or superheros?  I often wonder what happened to that kid.  At that time, life and the world were right in front of him and nothing else.  I was a big dreamer.  I actually thought that I could be the superhero "Flash" when I got bigger.

Too often today, I find my dreams being limited by my fear of failure, my fear of embarrasment, my fear of rejection, my fear of not enough, my fear of man, and the list goes on.  What if those fears were removed.  What if my dreams were released from those everyday fears like they were when I was a kid.  What impact would my dreams have on this world? 

What if?  

I randomly sampled 20 people the other day and realized that about 18 of them could not answer the question..."what are your dreams?"  Where did we lose our ability to dream and go after those dreams with full force?

I want to dream like that again...I want to see things happen around me, through me, to me, that will shock me and ultimately shock the world.  Who knows, maybe sometime in the future, I will actually make my dreams known to someone beyond my own skin.  ewwwww, Scary!